Recently in one of my creative writing classes for this semester, my professor asked us to write about our addiction. We as a class were free to interpret that prompt any way we wanted. After a few moments of thought, this is what I stated:
"I believe I'm addicted to myself, and no not in a narcissistic way. I'm addicted to how I am seen by others, what information I give others about myself, and how I'm creating a path for myself. I'm addicted to always making myself look like this perfectly put together human being. I don't really focus on my looks although subconsciously I always have to look like something, always. Hair has to always be done, nails have to always be clean, always have to smell good , and always have to wear trendy outfits. I'm addicted to making myself smart, well cultured, with many perspectives on life. I'm addicted to having good traits such as being positive, a good listener, being loving, sweet and kind. I'm addicted to being a good friend, sister, daughter, and woman. I can't publicly show any of my problems because it would make myself look bad, and I'm addicted to making myself look good. I'm extremely hard on myself and anything I feel I lack in I try to make myself better in so I can maintain this image of success. And this may all seem narcissistic but I know it isn't. Here's why: because in this world I live in, people are addicted to making me look bad. As a woman of color I'm already viewed as the minority. I already have views and judges placed on me. But as a dark skin women of color, I have realized life is a bit tougher. Because in this world people are addicted to putting me down . "You're too angry!" "You're not as beautiful as other women." "You're so stuck up." "You're so opinionated, men don't like that." "Why are you so aggressive?" "Is that your real hair?( Any 'good features' I have is because "I must be mixed)" "Why do you talk like your white?(as if sounding and being educated is something I could never be as a woman of color). I can go on and on about the unfair racial prejudices and subtle microaggressions I receive from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed- even from my own race. But I'm not, because these moments that could have been seen as negative became a positive for me. It made me addicted to myself and beating those negative stereotypes- I am not this loud and ghetto and uneducated and aggressive woman the world wants me to be. I am a beautiful, educated, well rounded and a pretty cool person. It made me want to take everything I want. It made me want to be positive and help other girls see their worth in society. It made me question my own judgement I place on others and it made me fix that so that I wouldn't continue that constant negative cycle. SO yes, I'm addicted to myself. But who else will be?
To all my Black Kings and Queens of all shades, you are beautiful. No one shade is better than another or more desirable or more deserving of anything over another. Reflecting on this piece I realized that not only is racism a big deal for the POC community but Color-ism is a big deal for us as well.We don't talk about it as much as we should but it's tearing us apart- constantly bashing one skin tone over another.This constant nasty cycle is dividing us as a people while providing psychological and emotional negative consequences to our many members of the African- American community.I mean how do we expect to stop racism or address racism as a whole if we as people of color are still not united. We have to eliminate this separation that we as a group of people have given ourselves; no skin tone is better than another or more beautiful! We as a group need to be more addicted to uniting each other and not bringing ourselves down. We need to be addicted to loving not only ourselves but our "sistas and brothas"in our communities. We need to be more addicted to embracing all of our different shades and melanin drip. We need to become more addicted to being banded together as one, no matter what!We are all lovely and created differently to represent a whole spectrum of elegance, delicacy, and charm. We all represent black excellence!
Dictionary Definitions:
Color-ism: prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group
POC: People of Color/Person of Color
Copyright©Naava Dae 2019
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